recognition

Early last Thursday morning, I got on the bus in time to make my regular 9 am appointment. The bust was not too crowded not empty, nothing either eventful or, non, happening- except this:
2 stops after mine at a 8:12 am, I noticed a man I'd never seen before which, in Portland, if you ride the same bus on the same day at the same time, habitually- is rare.
At first glance, there was nothing unusual, nothing particularly attractive or not, about this man, until that is I watch him make his way from the payment kiosk to sit in one of the only remaining seats left on the bus, directly across from me.
I noticed him because it was like looking in the mirror. I have never in my life seen someone with such an identical way of moving to mine.
At first the realization shook me and I looked away, afraid that I had been staring and aware that while I may be having an identity epiphany, there's no reason that this guy, who hadn't actually seen me move, should or would be having a similar moment of self awareness and connection.
For the next 10 minutes, as the bus made its way to my connection point I thought about why this moment of visual recognition had struck me so deeply and I studied him, in what I hoped was an unobtrusive way.
I notice that like me, he was wearing a wedding ring and I wondered how many nights he had spent wondering whether any of those signifiers of "normality" would ever be his to claim? As I have. I wondered too, if he then went on to self interrogation on the concept of normality and why it is so important, even or sometimes especially who at first because it happens to us and then late, because we rebel against the very existence of "normal"; live outside of it.
I wondered how he felt about the ambiguity of his condition, the state of being "disabled but not quite enough" or "just shy of able"- whatever either of those statements mean, and they mean different things on different days...
All of this happened in ten minutes.
As I got up to leave the bus and make my connection, I passed him and smiled. He winked at me and said, "Its not everyday you see mirror image, is it?"
No. I wanted to skip my appointment, to stay on the bus to the end of the line and ask him all of those questions and more, but I didn't. I wanted to tell him how many negative experiences I've had on all manner of public transportation, to ask him if people often tell him where they think I should sit, as they do me, and then get insulted and abusive when I don't take their advice?
I also wanted to thank him for giving me what might be my first entirely positive public transit experience and to tell him that someday, if this blog does grow into another form, it may be just that- a series of anecdotes about being disabled in public- afterall, there is no greater equalizer, no space less private or shielded then an early morning bus ride.
Perhaps I will get that chance another day.